I have always known I was adopted and Indigenous but that was about it.  Was I curious over the years?  Yes, but was almost nervous to find out more because the unknown might hurt.  All that I had coming from foster care was this snap shot health record and not much other history.  My mom was always open to help me find out more but I didn’t really have much interest.

On my first visit to my sister Linda’s home in Salmon Arm, I found that she and her mother, Marilyn had done some digging into our heritage.  Her mom had found our reserve, organized Linda’s Indian Status and found some family members.  I’m not sure how she did all this but I’ll be writing further about Marilyn in the upcoming blogs.

I found out that I am from the Alderville First Nations reserve in Roseneath, Ontario.  Being First Nations didn’t mean much to me over the years because such pride of being Indigenous was not known until recent years in our country.  My knowledge of Indigenous peoples was what I was taught in school which was limited to where you would learn about different tribes, what kind of dwellings they lived in and how to make bannock!  I am happy that people, like myself, are on a journey of learning more, giving more respect to our culture and heritage and understanding more about reconciliation.

As a teen, what it meant for me was a status card that gave me certain benefits.  Primarily, access to post secondary education funding.  The one stipulation was you had to have in-person educational counselling on the reserve if you are within 600 km of the reserve. My reserve is north of Cobourg so I made my appointment to go.  Wow, I would actually be going to my reserve?  Would I meet my parents, cousins, uncles or aunts?  The answer to that was yes and no.

The administration at the band office employed many of our family members, one of which is Pam.  Pam is my birth mother’s cousin and was the contact for Marilyn to get Linda’s status in Alderville.  Upon request from Marilyn, Pam had spoken to Diane of the possibility of meeting. In a letter, that I also was able to read for myself, it was made clear that Diane had married and her husband did not know she had had children.  Diane was in fear of jeopardizing her marriage.

The time came for me to apply for school. I made my way to my reserve to meet with Nancy, my education councillor.  I remember pulling into the band office parking lot and wondered if my mother was inside.  It was a strange feeling, sitting with Nancy wondering if we were related.  I now know why those visits were uncomfortable for Nancy.  She too, was a cousin of my mother’s.  It would have been difficult for her knowing that I was Diane’s daughter, I’m sure.  It was only recently when I returned to school a few years ago that we had an open conversation of how we are related. 

I made trips back and forth over the years but there was one trip I was not allowed to make.  Nancy called me to say that I had won the top academic achievement for the province but was not allowed to come to the ceremony because my mother was going to be there.  That hurt a lot — even writing this now brings tears to my eyes.  In the end, my plaque was mailed to me and upon opening it, the corner was crushed and that pretty much had me tossing it into the wood chipper.

I will be writing much more about my time visiting the reserve over the next few blogs as I could not wrap all this into one small story.  

Miigwech (Thank you)